Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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