You can't special order awesome
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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