I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
