Just fell off a train. Bad.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
