Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
