I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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