There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
