I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
