is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
