i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
