My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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