Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
