haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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