two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
