I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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