My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
