idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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