holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
