I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
