Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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