New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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