Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
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if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How's work?
Spinning.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize