You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
