You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
