I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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