that's an acceptable place to lick
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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