so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
