My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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