ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
