I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
