I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
