im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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