Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
