fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
