No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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