I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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