Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
