I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
