Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
this hospital has no fireball
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
