help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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