did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
