i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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