I looked at my own cervix.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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