oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
