She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
