This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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