Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we're so committed to being not committed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
