I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
