wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
