I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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