when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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