She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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