we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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