i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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