True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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