farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
