It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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