It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
