why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
