I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
