you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
