My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
